Lies
by CountingCrow16
Summary: Kurt isn't willing to face the fact that he isn't with Blaine for the right reasons. Blaine isn't willing to let it go on any longer without knowing the truth. Rated M for sexual content in chapter 4. More info and warnings inside. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Hello :) This idea came to me over the past week and has not left me alone for a single second, so I'm gonna go for it. This story will more than likely be fairly short, four or five chapters at the most. It's inspired by the song Lies by Marina and the Diamonds and it's quite possibly one of the most gut-wrenching songs I've ever heard, so with that being said, this story is going to be heavy angst. It's somewhat of a departure from anything I've done in the past, so I really appreciate any feedback you'd like to give me.

This is rated M for sexual content in chapter 4. Just a heads up. Also, if you're interested, I'm going to post the song on my tumblr (countingcrow16) if you'd like to hear it, but the beginning of each chapter will have a handful of lyrics too. Thanks for reading :)

**I don't own Glee or Marina and the Diamonds amazing song, Lies.**

* * *

_You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?_

_What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?_

* * *

If he had to pinpoint an exact moment in time when he figured it out, Blaine would say it was the Chandler incident. More specifically, the moment when Blaine found the flirting texts between the two that had been going on for days.

"Why are you going through my phone?" Kurt had asked him. Blaine said it was because it wouldn't stop buzzing, which was true to a point, but it wasn't the first time he'd done it. He wasn't proud of it, but there were three or four times previous during their relationship where he'd impulsively grabbed the phone while Kurt left the room. He'd always felt guilty of abusing Kurt's trust in this way, even if he was more relieved to not find anything suspicious.

Until this time. And the texts between his boyfriend and Chandler were more than a little suspicious.

Sure, the week or so leading up to the whole mess had been a difficult one for Blaine. He was dealing with the reality that once Kurt left for New York, he would be all alone in Lima. Of course the New Directions kids were nice to him; some of them maybe even liked him. But he knew that next year, Mr. Schue would thrust him into the spotlight, essentially making him the new Rachel Berry, while Tina and Artie, who'd been there from the start would be kicked to the sidelines again. Blaine didn't want that. He'd had his time to shine at Dalton and frankly, the shunning he was sure to receive from the rest of the glee club at McKinley wasn't worth the trouble. All he wanted was to fit in and make friends and be accepted for who he was. That's all he ever wanted.

As they argued, Blaine paid careful attention to Kurt's body language and word choice. Blaine had been a quiet, observant child, and so far that trait had continued to serve him well throughout his teenage years. After all, he never would have shown Kurt the shortcut to the choir room at Dalton the first time they met if he hadn't seen that Kurt really needed something in his favor, someone on his side, at that moment in his life.

But now that careful observation was betraying him. It was telling him things he didn't want to know. Blaine latched on to Kurt's overt emphasis, his righteous indignation, on getting caught rather than what he should have been focusing on. There was a major problem, a rift that had surfaced seemingly out of nowhere that was driving a wedge between the two of them. Finally Kurt admitted,

"You don't know what it's like being your boyfriend. You're like, the alpha gay."

Blaine knew Kurt struggled with a low self-esteem. But surely Kurt knew that Blaine's was lower. God, how many late-night discussions had the two of them had about that very issue? How many times had Blaine confessed that, without the love and support of his parents, he never thought he could ever feel like a good person? At least Kurt had a loving family. At least he had friends that didn't turn their backs on him the minute he transferred schools. Kurt was all Blaine had now, couldn't he see that?

After their argument, Blaine left. The thought of pushing it aside to watch old reality television reruns and eat warmed over cheese and stale crackers made him want to vomit. Kurt had begged him to stay. Well, his words would suggest that, but to Blaine it sounded forced. Obligatory, even. Like Kurt was following along in a guidebook of what to do when your boyfriend is pissed off. Frankly, it didn't seem like Kurt's heart was in it anymore. And the way his left hand fiddled with his Iphone once he retrieved it from Blaine didn't help.

It was all a little too much. The next day in glee club, Blaine knew exactly what he wanted to say to Kurt and as he sang, he used all of his willpower to force the words to be true. And in the moment, they were, but the instant he stopped singing, the second the scattered, awkward applause set in, Blaine's confidence was gone and all he was left with was anger, fear and frustration. He'd focused on Kurt's face during the entire performance, and he had to admit that Kurt looked more than a little upset. But why? Was he mad that Blaine was calling him out in front of all of his friends? Did he really not see a problem in what he was doing with Chandler? Or was he genuinely experiencing pain and grief at seeing those same emotions mirrored in Blaine? Once again, his skills in perception failed him, albeit in a different way this time. He had no idea what was going on in his own boyfriend's mind.

Blaine didn't stick around the chorus room to find out. He had to get out of there before he embarrassed himself even further. He was only half-surprised that Kurt didn't follow him. Why would he? Blaine was obviously very angry, it seemed that Kurt was too and neither were the type to hash it out during the heat of the moment, with the exception of the night before. Blaine wasn't even sure he wanted Kurt to follow him anyway. He was fairly certain it was over and the fact that Kurt didn't try to contact him at all the rest of that night only solidified it.

Was this how break-ups worked, or did the words, 'I'm breaking up with you' have to be said aloud? Blaine didn't know. All of this was new; the love, the insatiable desire, the lust, the jealousy, the anger, the gut-wrenching heartbreak. All of it was new and so fresh and unceasing. He had a hard time understanding why anyone even bothered in the first place. Was your first love supposed to destroy you?

* * *

The next morning, he managed to roll out of bed, putting on the brightest, most cheerful outfit he owned, hoping the mint green hue would seep into his pores somehow and light him up. Give him a reason to keep on going that had absolutely nothing to do with Kurt Hummel. By the time glee club rolled around he'd all but given up on getting any kind of closure with Kurt. Kurt had avoided Blaine all day and the glee club practice was shaping up to be more of the same.

But when Kurt stood up and started sing to him, Blaine did something he had spent the last few days trying to convince himself he'd never do. He allowed himself to believe that Kurt really did love him. Was _in _love with him. Kurt sang with so much conviction that all of the warning bells and sirens in Blaine's mind were instantly silenced and by the time Kurt was done singing, Blaine was sold. They could work this out, he bargained. It was just a tiny bump in the road and all couples face obstacles, right? If this was the worst one they ever came across, they would be good as gold.

After glee club was dismissed, Blaine approached Kurt slowly.

"Hey," he greeted quietly, with the most cautious of smiles.

"Blaine," Kurt breathed back, relief flooding out. "I'm so sorry. About everything."

"I know," Blaine answered quickly, despite the fact that he wasn't entirely convinced. He really wanted to believe it though, and against his better judgment, he did.

* * *

The next day, Kurt convinced him to go with him to a counseling session with Miss Pillsbury. Blaine couldn't help but feel a little defensive as Kurt led him in the room. When Miss Pillsbury told them that brutal honesty was the cornerstone of any relationship, he took full advantage of it. He told Kurt how upset he was about Chandler and when Kurt dismissed his anger by arguing that he'd sung a song to express his regret, as if that was enough to close this painful chapter in their relationship, Blaine couldn't help but launch into a series of petty annoyances that had been building up within him over their year together.

Then he ran out of little things and he was forced to address the truth. Kurt was leaving soon and Blaine wasn't convinced that he fit into Kurt's big plans for the future. The only time Kurt smiled and laughed with him anymore was when they were discussing New York, but the minute they were on to another topic, Kurt seemed to change completely. Of course it made Blaine paranoid, as it would any normal person. But as he sat there in Miss Pillsbury's office explaining it, he couldn't help but feel embarrassed, vulnerable and exposed.

Kurt promised him nightly Skype dates. He told Blaine he could visit every weekend, but Blaine would be lucky if he could save up enough money this summer for even two trips throughout the year. The cynical side of Blaine told him that Kurt would have promised him anything in that moment just to calm him down, but the side that ached for Kurt and made him feel like death whenever he thought about being away from him convinced him otherwise.

Kurt promised that Blaine wouldn't lose him. When Blaine told Kurt he loved him, Kurt told him the same. They hugged tightly, and in the moment, it was enough for Blaine. He'd given Kurt the opportunity to walk away and Kurt refused it, both in the choir room and in Miss Pillsbury's office. For the first time in almost a week, Blaine allowed himself to believe it had all been blown out of proportion. He was mad at himself for doubting Kurt, for causing himself so much unnecessary heartache.

They could do this. They could survive this and they would. The time for turning back was gone and Blaine was ready to start over fresh. In his mind, there was nothing standing between the two of them any longer.

* * *

The feeling didn't last, however. The next day, Blaine tried the spontaneity that Kurt was so obviously craving. He went out on a limb, outside of his comfort zone and sent his boyfriend a text that would have made even that stupid Chandler guy blush. Despite the reassurances he'd received the day before, Blaine needed something concrete, something physical to tell him that Kurt was still his. At first, he thought it would work. After all, wasn't it always Kurt pursuing him these days? But when Blaine began explaining that the entire glee club was skipping out on practice and that they should too, he watched with growing dread as Kurt's eyes expressed the kind of patience a parent espouses for their hyperactive child as he explains why he really, really needs a pony for Christmas.

Thank you, but no thank you. That was the message Blaine received from Kurt's insistence that they go to glee club practice. Never mind that almost the whole group showed up anyway. Never mind that Blaine had never worked harder to hide the disappointment from his face as Kurt once again shot him down and overruled his desires in order to pursue his own. That's how it had always been though, Blaine sacrificing for Kurt and Kurt barely acknowledging it when he did. But it was worth it. If it meant that Blaine got to be with the love of his life, being trodden upon from time to time was a small price to pay.

It would be several weeks before Kurt and Blaine were intimate with each other again, and by that time they were back to their old routine, stuck back in the rut they found themselves in prior to the Chandler incident. And again Blaine found himself worrying endlessly if Kurt was really as in love with him as he was with Kurt.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the great feedback so far, and thank you so much for reading!**

**I don't own Glee**

* * *

_I just want it to be perfect,_

_To believe it's all been worth the fight._

* * *

Of course Kurt felt bad about what he was doing with Chandler behind Blaine's back.

Unfortunately, his guilt about the constant flirty, and sometimes dirty, texts between the two of them was far outweighed by how this new connection with the boy he met at the music shop made him _feel. _It was exactly like the feeling he had in the early weeks and months of his relationship with Blaine. The constant flutters deep in his stomach, the way his fingers tingled as he tapped out a new message, the way he couldn't hide his goofy grin when he heard from Chandler at an unexpected time.

It was all reminiscent of what he'd experienced just a year prior with Blaine. But somewhere along the line, around Christmastime if Kurt had to guess, the intensity started to fade. Kurt was so busy preparing for his application process to NYADA. The class president election loss to Brittany (and subsequent suspicion that Kurt had been responsible for stuffing the ballot box) had been a huge blow to Kurt, not only to his credentials and extracurriculars, but to his confidence. He was really riding on having that to fall back on. He hoped that a combination of glee club (with a hopeful win at Nationals) and a presidential term running on a strong anti-bullying platform would be enough to push him to the top of the list.

But after the election, he was just left with glee club, and as much as he loved Blaine, he couldn't help but resent ever-so-slightly the fact that he was being pushed further and further from the spotlight, sometimes even literally. Who knows, he may have even had a shot at the role of Tony if Blaine hadn't transferred to McKinley. Of course, even just thinking about it in that context, with that tinge of jealousy made Kurt feel terrible. How could he resent Blaine's selflessness and sacrifice for even a second? After all, he knew all that Blaine had been through the last time he'd been in public school. Blaine was comfortable at Dalton. He was in line to head the Warbler's council, the first junior in Dalton history ever to do so. Come senior year, with his grades and accomplishments, he'd have his pick of any college in the United States. Sure, he'd have similar opportunities at McKinley, but a diploma from Dalton spoke much louder.

As much as Kurt hated his resentment, he couldn't deny that it existed, and when he tried, it ate away at him and his feelings for Blaine anyway. It was a slow process, though. So slow that he didn't even realize what was going on. Not until Chandler came along anyway.

* * *

Blaine was starting to feel it again. That dread that sank inside of him and made his limbs feel like lead. The feeling that came in waves when he spotted Kurt from across the room during their first class together every day. Kurt was slipping away from him, distancing himself, almost imperceptibly to anyone but Blaine. He was sure that Kurt didn't even notice it himself.

The whole incident with Chandler had been painful. Sure, Kurt hadn't actually, physically cheated, but it almost would have been better if he had. If Kurt had cheated on him physically, at least then Blaine would have a clear cut answer to the question that dominated the forefront of his mind more often than not. He would know that Kurt had given up on them, instead of being left with his suspicions. The whole thing didn't make sense to Blaine. Kurt told him often that he loved him. They still hugged and kissed and laughed together, but it wasn't the same, and it hadn't been for a while. After his successful audition for Carmen Tibideaux, Kurt (and everyone else for that matter) thought he was an absolute shoo-in, and Blaine hoped that Kurt wouldn't be so obsessed with NYADA. Maybe he could relax now, since it seemed impossible that he wouldn't get in.

But instead, it seemed to get even worse. Operating under the expectation that he would be in New York by August, Kurt had become more distracted than ever. He spent most of his free time with Rachel, going over fabric swatches and searching for apartments. When he was with Blaine, he still seemed distracted. Blaine's suspicions were confirmed one Friday afternoon, when Kurt yet again left his phone alone with Blaine while he went downstairs to grab something from the fridge. Out of the corner of his eye, Blaine saw Kurt's IPhone come to life.

_Chandler: Looking forward to it :)_

Confused, Blaine picked up the phone and swiped the screen to open it. He already knew he wouldn't like what he was about to find, simply because the first message confirmed that Kurt had lied to him about stopping his friendship with Chandler. As Blaine scrolled through the last few messages, the ache in his chest intensified exponentially with each one.

_Chandler: How's your day going, sexy?_

_Kurt: Ugh. It's been such a long week. So glad it's the weekend._

_Chandler: Why? You have a hot date or something? ;)_

_Kurt: I doubt it. I told you about Blaine right? Lol. Our hot dates these days consist of watching re-runs on Bravo and trying not to fall asleep mid-conversation._

_Chandler: Well, you know you have options..._

_Kurt: Chan..._

_Chandler: Okay, fine, fine. :-P_

_Kurt: Skype date tonight after Blaine leaves?_

_Chandler: Looking forw-_

"What are you doing?"

Kurt's voice startled Blaine, causing him to shoot up from the bed, phone still in hand. He could feel the tears burning in his eyes, but he didn't bother trying to hide them, or cover up the fact that he was once again going through Kurt's phone.

"You told me you'd stopped this," Blaine said quietly. "You lied to me."

"Blaine..." Kurt trailed off. He knew there was no point in feigning indignation this time. Yeah, he was mad at Blaine for going through his phone, but he was more pissed at himself for not doing a better job of hiding it. Now he just had to figure out how to fix this.

"Do you realize what this is doing to me?" Blaine implored, once it became evident that Kurt had no idea how to respond to his first accusation. "Do you even care about me anymore?"

"Of course I care about you," Kurt answered, moving closer to Blaine. He tried to grab Blaine by the shoulder but Blaine stepped back slightly away from his grasp. Kurt let his arm fall to his side. "How can you even ask me that?"

"Because for someone who's supposedly in love with me, you're treating me like shit," Blaine answered honestly, his throat closing up a bit as he made a last minute decision that he didn't want to cry in front of Kurt. Not again. Not for this. When Kurt's eyes fell to the floor and he didn't respond, Blaine felt like he was being stabbed in the stomach.

"That's it, isn't it?" he asked, causing Kurt to meet his gaze once again.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, tears finally gathering in his own eyes.

"You're not in love with me anymore."

"Blaine," Kurt sighed, this time not letting Blaine pull away from him. "I love you. Of course I love you. I'm sorry about this, I just...I figured that if Chandler is going to be in New York, and I'll be in New York...I just figured it would be nice to have another familiar face when I get there."

Blaine couldn't help the snort of laugh that escaped him. That had to be the worst excuse Blaine had ever heard and all it did was make him angry. Which, he figured, was at least a step up from feeling completely betrayed and devastated.

"What's so funny?" Kurt asked, sounding hurt. Blaine wasn't so sure he cared about Kurt's feelings in that moment.

"Nothing," he answered. "It's just that, you know, you might not even be at NYADA in the fall, have you even thought about that?"

"How can you say that, Blaine?" Kurt asked forcefully, tears finally brimming over and down his cheeks.

_So that's what it takes_, Blaine thought to himself. Not seeing his boyfriend in indescribable pain at his own doing, but having Blaine attack his precious NYADA prospects? _That's _what it took to finally get some real, raw emotion from Kurt these days?

"How can you say that cheating on me with Chandler is okay?"

"I'm not cheating on you!" Kurt shot back, finally getting angry himself. "It's just texting! God, why can't you see that?"

"Just be honest with me, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice a near whisper and the exhaustion weighing heavily from each word. "Why are we doing this? Why are we together?"

"Because we love each other," Kurt answered, softer this time, almost pleading with Blaine. "Blaine, please. Please give me another chance. I'm sorry I've been distant, and I'm sorry about Chandler. I just...I don't want to lose you. I'll do whatever it takes, just give me a chance."

Blaine remained silent while he thought about it. Kurt didn't deserve another chance. His actions and his words didn't match up, not even close. If Kurt was really in love with him like Blaine was in love with Kurt, he never would have engaged in the kind of "friendship" that was going on between him and Chandler. But once again, Blaine's heart begged him loudly to accept Kurt's apology, drowning out the much quieter distrust of his brain.

"I can't take this much longer, Kurt," Blaine conceded. "If you want to be with me, you need to show me that I'm all you need. I can't handle the indecisiveness, the constant doubt that you love me. I love you more than you can possibly know, but I feel like there's a limit to your love for me."

"I'm sorry I've made you feel that way," Kurt answered. "I'll fix this, I promise. I'll break it off with Chandler, really this time. Please?"

Blaine's mistake was looking into Kurt's eyes. If he'd avoided his boyfriend's beautiful, glassy eyes, he could have stood his ground, he was almost positive. But one look melted him, and Blaine found himself in Kurt's embrace, relishing the way their bodies always seemed to fit together perfectly in his mind.

_Kurt loves me, Kurt loves me, Kurt loves me_, he repeated to himself over and over that night and in the days following. If he said it enough, it would be true. If he convinced himself of it, then he wouldn't have to live with the constant dread that he was being lied to by the person he loved the most.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Okay, here's chapter three. I'm pretty sure that there's only going to be one more chapter after this, but it could go longer. Sometimes I sit down to write one thing and something completely different comes out. In any case, here it is and I hope you enjoy it. Or hate it. Really, I just hope it makes you feel something :)

This chapter is dedicated to my good friend,** paperstylehearts**, for always knowing how to cheer me up and motivate me when I'm feeling down and for her unceasing support of my writing even when I piss her off with it :) xoxoxo

* * *

_You're too proud to say that you made a mistake,_

_You're a coward 'til the end._

* * *

Kurt was looking forward to his dinner with Blaine that evening with an odd, uneasy anticipation. It was nearing the end of July and in a few weeks Kurt would be headed off to New York. Even though he'd been completely devastated by his rejection from NYADA, he refused to let that one setback deter him from his path. He needed New York like he needed oxygen. It had been hard at first, knowing that Rachel, with her failed audition and election-rigging scandal had made it in when Kurt hadn't, but he'd managed to land a coveted apprenticeship position for an off-Broadway production company with a little help from none other than Tony Award-winning April Rhodes herself.

The summer had been an interesting one to say the least. After the night that Blaine found the text conversation between he and Chandler, the one that still made Kurt feel worse than death when he thought about it, things started to improve in their relationship. It was like Blaine decided that he wasn't going to worry about Kurt cheating on him any longer and instead dove head first into their relationship with an almost delusional sense of trust. Kurt was grateful for it to a certain extent. That is, it was nice knowing that Blaine loved him so much that he was still willing to trust Kurt after all he'd put him through. But that's just it, it was _nice_. It wasn't romantic, or passionate, or any of the things that Kurt so desperately craved from his first love.

Sure, when he and Blaine had sex, it was wonderful in the moment. Blaine did things to him in bed that made him feel things he didn't even know he was capable of feeling before they'd entered that phase of their relationship. But as soon as it was over, the feelings waned, and Kurt was left feeling emptier than before. He didn't want to admit it, but he just didn't feel the same way for Blaine that he used to, and it was painfully obvious that Blaine, in complete contrast, loved him more and more each day.

So now Kurt had come up with a plan, one he hoped was fool-proof. He would just tell Blaine that he still loved him, which was true, but that the long-distance relationship thing wasn't really practical. After all, it wouldn't really be fair to ask Blaine to be completely alone in Lima while Kurt was in New York. It was Blaine's senior year, he should be out having fun, Kurt reasoned. And then, when Blaine came to New York after graduation, if it was meant to be, they would be back together. Kurt was certain that the only thing driving himself away from Blaine was the subconscious realization that he was going to be separated from him for a whole year. Once they were adults, living on their own with no restrictions, the feelings Kurt once had for Blaine would resurface. Surely Blaine would understand and agree.

Kurt had winced when he'd called Blaine up earlier in the day, inviting him to dinner. Blaine sounded so excited just to be in Kurt's presence. Carole and Burt were gone for the week and Finn had already gone down to Georgia for boot camp, so Kurt had the house to himself. Kurt was so optimistic that Blaine would be in agreement with Kurt's logic that he'd even prepared for a couple of days and nights of fun if Blaine wanted to stay over. And Blaine always wanted to stay over.

He was just finishing setting the dining room table for two when he heard the knock at the door. _Right on time, as usual_, Kurt sighed to himself. Why was he dreading this so much? Why did his shoulders sag whenever he saw or thought about Blaine these days? Anyone would kill to have a boyfriend like Blaine. He was the total package and Kurt knew that. But for whatever reason, it had stopped being enough and Kurt just needed more.

"Come in!" Kurt called out, not wanting to interrupt the intricate folds of the napkin he was working on. He heard the front door click open and peeked around the dining room wall to greet Blaine.

"Hey sweetie!" he called out again as Blaine's face came into view. The second Blaine spotted him, a huge smile broke out across his face.

"Hey you," Blaine responded lovingly, wrapping his arms around Kurt from behind. "It smells amazing in here," he moaned, squeezing Kurt a little tighter and resting his head on Kurt's shoulder.

"That would be the grilled chicken breast stuffed with goat cheese with smoked chile cilantro sauce," Kurt recited as he carefully placed his delicate creation on the plate in front of him.

"How fancy," Blaine answered, finally releasing Kurt as Kurt turned around to face him.

"Not really," Kurt shrugged. "Just something Bobby Flay made on Food Network last week."

"Anything that's not take-out or microwaveable is fancy to me," Blaine grinned goofily. Kurt shook his head and instructed him to sit down while he went into the kitchen to grab the plates. Blaine watched him as he left, loving the view and looking forward to what he was hoping would come after they ate.

Dinner was pleasant, and Kurt found himself having a genuinely good time with Blaine for the first time, outside of the bedroom, in a very long time. He almost wondered if he should wait to have this conversation with Blaine, but he knew if he put it off much longer, it wouldn't get any easier. As they settled into the couch in the living room after cleaning up, Kurt could tell he better start the talk soon, if the look in Blaine's lustful eyes was any indication of what was on his mind.

"Blaine?" Kurt spoke quietly after latching on to a momentary lull in the conversation. It was now or never.

"Yes, my love?" Blaine answered earnestly with a smile, playfulness twinkling in his eyes. Suddenly, and for the first time, Kurt was starting to doubt his plan.

"I um, we uh, we need to talk about…about New York," Kurt stuttered, finally forcing the words out with much less confidence than he'd hoped for.

Blaine's expression fell the tiniest fraction. He knew this talk would be happening at some point. After all, Kurt was leaving in a few weeks and they probably needed to talk about scheduling Skype dates and figuring out weekends for Blaine to come visit. He'd just hoped to have the conversation in bed, naked, sweaty and tired after a few rounds of fun.

"Okay," Blaine agreed good-naturedly. "Well, we'll be in the same time zone, so I was thinking that when I get out of glee club practice in the afternoons, it should be about the time you get done…"

Blaine's words became fuzzy in Kurt's head as he rambled on about time zones and Skype dates and Kurt became very aware that he and Blaine were not on the same page. Somehow Kurt had convinced himself that Blaine would be totally on board with taking a break for a year, and now it didn't seem like that was the case at all.

"Kurt, are you listening to me?"

Blaine's voice broke through his thoughts and Kurt turned red as he realized that Blaine had to ask him that several times before it registered in his brain.

"Sorry," he answered sheepishly. "Look, Blaine, I just need to say something, so will you listen and wait until I'm done until you respond?"

"Yeah, um, okay," Blaine agreed, feeling confused and on edge all of the sudden. Kurt looked somewhere between terrified and nauseated and neither of those were good expressions to recognize in your boyfriend during a conversation like this.

"Okay," Kurt began, taking in a deep breath. "Alright, so I was thinking…" Kurt trailed off, all of his early confidence having flown out the window the second it became apparent that this conversation was actually going to happen.

"You were thinking?" Blaine prompted gently.

"It's just that," Kurt began again. He was going to have to just power through it, get it all out there and deal with the consequences later. "I think we should take a break. Just for the year while I'm in New York and you're here. And then when you come next summer to stay, we can, you know, we can get back together."

"What?" Blaine asked dumbly. He hadn't been expecting this at all.

"Well, I just figured, you know," Kurt continued, feeling like he was captaining a sinking ship, trying to bail out water with a thimble. "You're going to be a senior in the fall, I don't want you having to wait around for Skype dates with me or to blow all of your savings on coming out to see me. Your senior year should be magical."

"Like yours," Blaine offered stonily.

"Exactly," Kurt answered with a false amount of enthusiasm. "Like the way you made mine."

"So you want to do this for me?" Blaine asked, trying to keep his voice steady. "This has nothing to do with Chandler or you feeling tied down to your high school boyfriend?"

"No," Kurt lied, feeling like shit as the words slid out of his mouth. "I mean, yeah, we would be taking a break, so-to-speak, so I could date too—"

"Coward."

Kurt's speech halted the minute the word escaped Blaine's lips. Blaine had never so much as playfully insulted him in the past, so to hear the single word that carried so much hate and hurt with it from Blaine almost made Kurt jump up from the couch.

"Excuse me?" Kurt asked softly, hoping he'd made the whole thing up in his head.

"You are a coward," Blaine repeated, speaking each word slowly, deliberately and clearly so that there was no mistaking it this time. "You want to break up with me, but you're too afraid to do it."

"Blaine—"

"No," Blaine cut him off sharply. "I let you talk, now you're going to let me talk."

Kurt shut his open mouth and remained silent.

"You're not in love with me anymore," Blaine continued, refusing to allow Kurt to break eye contact with him. "You haven't been for a while, but you were too afraid of being alone. Too afraid of going out on a limb and getting involved with someone else without having me to fall back on if it didn't work out."

"But—"

"Shut up, Kurt," Blaine growled, not even caring that tears were starting to form in his boyfriend's eyes at hearing it. "You had no intention of stopping this with Chandler and you had no intention of letting me go. What were you going to do Kurt? Where you going to date him this year and then decide once I got there next summer who you really wanted to be with? Were you going to watch from the sidelines as Chandler and I fought each other for your love? Is this just one big fucking game for you? This isn't a rom com, Kurt, this is real life. I am a _real person_."

"Blaine," Kurt eked out a whisper once a few moments had passed. "I didn't mean to hurt you, this isn't what I wanted."

"No, I know," Blaine nodded in false agreement. "I know what you wanted. You wanted me to think that all this was for me. That you were making some huge sacrifice by setting me free. You're a coward, Kurt. If you were going to do this, you should have done it when I gave you the chance months ago. That would have been the right thing to do. But maybe it's easier this way. I'm so mad at you that I don't even have room within me to be hurt right now. You're a child, Kurt, and because I still love you, because I'm still _in love_ with you, I really hope that Chandler or whoever else you meet out there in fucking _New York_ doesn't make you feel the way you've made me feel in this relationship."

Kurt was stunned and frozen to the couch as Blaine stood up and stalked out of the room. He barely registered the slamming door or the sound of Blaine's engine revving up in the driveway. He could hardly comprehend what had just happened. Tears were freely flowing down his cheeks as he tried to go over the past few minutes in his mind, searching for a place or time when he could have stopped the whole thing from turning into the complete train wreck it did.

He'd hurt Blaine more than he ever intended to. He was certain that Blaine would never trust him again, not that he deserved it, and the understanding that he and Blaine were officially broken up now was both terrifying and liberating. He'd hoped that the night would end with he and Blaine going their separate ways, but not permanently. Certainly not like this.

Feeling like shit, Kurt wiped his eyes and did the only thing he could think to do. He pulled out his phone, dialed the all-too-familiar phone number and held it to his ear.

"Chan? It's Kurt."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Wow, I can't believe we're at the end already :( I really enjoyed writing this, even though it was painful at times. Thanks for those of you who gave this a chance, I appreciate your support more than you'll ever know.

**Warning: Sex in this chapter.**

Thanks again everyone :)

**I don't own Glee.**

* * *

_I don't wanna admit that we're not gonna fit,_

_No I'm not the type that you like,_

_Why don't we just pretend?_

* * *

Blaine kept his gaze fixed on the ceiling above his bed, much like he had for the majority of the almost seventy two hours since he'd stormed out of the Hummel's living room, leaving behind a confused and devastated-looking Kurt. Blaine hadn't cared about the look on his former boyfriend's face though. None of the pain and heartache that seemed to flash in his watery blue eyes the moment Blaine got up to leave could possibly compare to what Blaine was feeling within himself. It made him sick, thinking about Kurt and what he'd done to Blaine, but it made him feel even worse to think about how it was all over now. He'd finally set himself free from Kurt after it became painfully obvious that Kurt couldn't do it himself.

He'd hoped to feel better, finally being freed from the chains that had kept him tethered to Kurt these last few months. He'd hoped that without all the indecisiveness, the constant worry, (not over whether or not Kurt loved him, but over whether Kurt loved him as _much _as Blaine loved Kurt) that maybe he'd be able to really process all that had happened and move on.

So far, it wasn't looking good.

His parents were gone, having left a few weeks earlier to their summer cottage in Michigan and Blaine, for more than one reason, had decided to stay behind. He thought it would be the perfect opportunity to spend some real quality time with Kurt before he shipped off to New York. Now Blaine just let out a bitter laugh thinking about his stupid plans.

Kurt was home alone too, at least through the weekend. He'd mentioned that when he invited Blaine over for dinner and Blaine was almost able to hear the sly, sexy smile in his voice when he'd mentioned that detail. Why would he have done that? Why did Kurt suggest that Blaine pack an overnight bag, knowing what he was going to propose to Blaine after they ate? Was he stupid or just completely selfish and careless?

In reality, Blaine knew it wasn't any of those things. Despite all that Kurt had put him through, Blaine refused to take him off of the pedestal. Kurt was a lot of things, but most of them were things that Blaine adored. Even his catty comments to wait staff and the way he rolled his eyes when someone was telling him something he didn't want to hear. But Blaine's inability to see Kurt as the enemy was absolutely infuriating. He needed so much. He needed to forget about Kurt just as much as he needed to be consumed by him. It was all so confusing.

Blaine felt like he was dying. Every now and then he would shoot up in bed, gasping for air for some inexplicable reason. He hadn't slept for more than a few minutes at a time and he couldn't motivate himself to go downstairs to the fridge to eat anything. Something had to change.

As he was lying there, still staring at the ceiling, an idea came to him, and the second it latched on, he couldn't shake it. If he could just have one more night with Kurt, one more night of pretending everything was alright in order to get it out of his system, maybe then he could work through it. The idea didn't make any sense, and Blaine was cognizant of that fact, but he needed to try something. He'd left so quickly and in such a storm of emotions that if he had the chance to say a proper goodbye to their relationship, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to bury.

With a deep breath, Blaine forced himself up and out of the bed. He was going to go over there and hopefully get the closure he desperately needed.

* * *

The last few days had been absolute torture for Kurt. After Blaine stormed out of the house, he'd done the first thing he thought to do by calling Chandler. Chandler was great, talking him through everything and trying his best to calm Kurt down. Chandler was honest with him, which was something Kurt always admired about him. It had been a horrible plan, Kurt knew that now. And it hadn't been fair to either Blaine or Chandler for Kurt to do what he did. But Chandler at least recognized that he hadn't done it out of spite or hate for either one of them. He was afraid of losing either, and in the process of trying to keep them, he may have lost both. He'd definitely lost Blaine, Kurt determined, and after all this, he wasn't sure how Chandler would feel about him. In the moment, he was being a good friend to Kurt, but once the dust had settled, Kurt hoped he would still have Chandler to lean on.

After their conversation, they both agreed to take a break from talking for a little while, at least until they were both in New York. It was hard for Kurt. Now the two people he used to be able to count on weren't there any longer, however temporary the separation might be with Chandler. It was really Blaine that Kurt wanted and needed in those moments though. He craved the one person who knew him better than he even knew himself. He wanted the boy who'd given up everything to be with him. How could he have been so stupid? He wanted desperately to take back everything and would have given just about anything to have never even met Chandler if it meant he would get Blaine back, but that wasn't how things worked in real life. Blaine was gone and rightfully so. He was right when he'd told Kurt that no one deserved what Kurt had done to him. Even if Blaine forgave him and wanted to get back together at some point in the distant future, Kurt wasn't sure he could ever forgive himself enough to reward himself with Blaine's presence in his life ever again.

Kurt was interrupted from his thoughts by a tentative-sounding knock at the front door. With a furrowed brow, Kurt checked the time on the clock in the living room where he'd spent the majority of his time since the incident three days prior. It was almost eleven o'clock at night. Who could possibly be at the door at this time of night in this weather? There was a raging storm going on outside and lightning and thunderclaps were all that interrupted the steady downpour for the better part of an hour.

Kurt tiptoed to the window and opened the blinds slightly with his fingers. He drew in a sharp breath when he recognized Blaine's car out in the driveway under the floodlights. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to calm his racing heart before opening the front door.

"Hey," Blaine greeted simply in a gravelly voice. Kurt was taken aback by how tired and beaten the boy standing in front of him looked. As exhausted as Kurt felt, Blaine looked like he was feeling it a hundred times worse.

"Blaine," Kurt answered, surprise lacing his voice. "What are you—"

"Look, can I just come in?"

Kurt stood for a split second with his mouth hanging open before finally recovering enough to formulate an answer.

"Yeah, I mean yes, of course, um come in," Kurt stumbled over his words as he stood aside and opened the door wider.

Blaine was soaking wet from his head to his feet and the water, in combination with the fact that he hadn't bothered to gel his hair the last few days caused wet curls to plaster themselves to his forehead. At any other time, Blaine would have been rushing to the nearest hair dryer and hair care product, but he didn't really care about any of that anymore.

"Kurt," Blaine began speaking again, not waiting for Kurt to try to ask him again why he showed up on his doorstep at nearly midnight during the worst storm of the summer. "The last few days have been my worst nightmare. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about you for one single second."

"I feel the same—"

"Don't," Blaine interrupted. "Just please…just listen. I hate what you've done to me. I was in a really good place at Dalton. I had a lot of really close friends and a place where I felt safe. And then you came along. And, Kurt, it was like I'd won the lottery. You were the best thing I could ever imagine happening to me. I allowed myself to fall completely in love with you. You were like a drug to me, and I would have done anything in the world for you. I _did _do everything in the world for you. I gave up my friends to follow you here, I alienated myself from my parents even more, I stopped having a life that didn't revolve completely around you."

Blaine paused for a moment as he took in Kurt's expression. It was like he was in front of the firing squad, hearing all of his trespasses placed on public record. Each word seemed to hit Kurt in a way that caused him to flinch, but at the same time, his expression told Blaine that he felt like he deserved everything he was hearing from him.

"I understand that people grow apart, Kurt," he continued. "The thing with Chandler…if it hadn't happened with him, it would have probably happened with someone else when you got to New York, I understand that now. But you had the chance to be honest with me, to break up with me when you felt yourself pulling away. It wasn't fair of you to ask so much of me when you had no intention of giving just as much back. Maybe you've already started something with Chandler in the last few days—"

"No actually," Kurt interrupted this time. "We aren't even talking right now."

Blaine was surprised at this news, but he didn't let it lead him off his path.

"Well, whatever happens, despite the way you've made me feel, I really do want the best for you. I just…I've never asked you for anything Kurt, but I need something from you now."

Kurt cocked his head to the side. He had no idea what he could possibly do for Blaine after all the damage he'd caused, but he was eager to oblige Blaine in anything he asked.

"Anything, Blaine," he answered with wide eyes. At this point he really would do anything just to alleviate a small amount of the pain he'd inflicted.

"Can we…God, I don't even know how to ask this," Blaine shook his head and let out a humorless laugh before starting over. "Can we just have one more night? Can we pretend that none of this ever happened just once more? And then I'll go."

Was Blaine asking what Kurt thought he was?

"Blaine, I'm not sure—"

"Please Kurt," Blaine begged, his voice wavering with vulnerability for the first time since he'd come in from the rain. "I have to have some kind of closure with you and I don't know how else to do it."

Kurt searched Blaine's face, not even sure of what he was looking for. Blaine looked desperate, embarrassed and slightly angry all at once.

"Okay," he agreed lightly with a small nod. "Yeah, of course."

Kurt hardly knew what he was agreeing to, but was surprised when he found Blaine kissing him hard on the lips. He felt the water from Blaine's clothes soaking into his own as he pulled Kurt close to him, not seeming to care that he was getting Kurt wet. Within a few seconds, Blaine's tongue was eagerly reaching out and begging Kurt to let him in. Kurt obliged, opening his mouth to Blaine and quickly falling into the familiar rhythm of how their mouths worked together.

Blaine was working more frantically than usual, and had it not been for the circumstances, Kurt would have chalked it up to passion and excitement. But this side of Blaine was unknown to him. It was needy, frantic and bordering on painful, if Kurt had to label it. He let his eyes flutter open and was surprised to see how hard Blaine's were squeezed shut. He looked like he was enduring it rather than enjoying it.

Kurt didn't have a lot of time to reflect on it though. After a few minutes of exploring Kurt's mouth with his tongue, Blaine was reaching down to hoist Kurt into the air. Kurt wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist like so many times before, only this time he couldn't predict what might happen next. Something so familiar, yet so unpredictable was occurring and all Kurt could do was wait and see what would happen next.

Blaine carried Kurt all the way upstairs to Kurt's room, throwing the door open and laying him gently on the bed, never breaking contact with Kurt's mouth. Finally he pulled back long enough to strip off his wet jacket and tee shirt before diving back in. He yanked Kurt's shirt up roughly, exposing his stomach and chest. Kurt moaned softly as Blaine began sucking and kissing on the sensitive areas by his collar bone and hips. He could feel himself growing hard despite how bizarre and out of place everything felt. It didn't help that he could feel how hard Blaine was against him through the wet denim.

Blaine continued kissing and sucking on Kurt's chest as Kurt finished taking his shirt off and threw it to the ground. As if remembering his ultimate goal at this gesture, Blaine began blindly removing his own pants and briefs before helping Kurt with his. They were both fully unclothed now, and Blaine was moving his hands frantically up and down Kurt's body, squeezing and rubbing everywhere he could think to touch him. Kurt's cock began to throb painfully as he silently begged Blaine to pay it some sort of attention, but he knew better than to ask aloud.

Finally Blaine removed his mouth from Kurt's stomach long enough to crawl over him to the bedside table where he knew Kurt kept their lube. Kurt watched in anticipation as Blaine squeezed a liberal portion onto his fingers and coated them evenly. He could already feel his muscles relaxing as they anticipated Blaine's entrance into him. Blaine made his way back to the edge of the bed and coaxed Kurt to raise his hips. As he sucked on a sensitive spot on Kurt's inner thigh, he allowed one finger to slip into his former boyfriend. It went in a lot easier than usual and Blaine wondered in the back of his mind if it's because Kurt had never been this turned on before. This definitely wasn't like any of their past scheduled 'make-out sessions.'

He only had to maneuver his finger in and around a few times before Kurt was asking him to add more. With one swift motion, Blaine pulled out with one finger and re-entered with two, earning a sharp intake of breath from Kurt. He moved in and out shallowly, making extra sure not to get anywhere near Kurt's prostate. Blaine didn't know why, but he didn't want Kurt to feel that good. Not yet, anyway. He spent the next few minutes stretching Kurt and rubbing his other hand over Kurt's body before Kurt signaled him for a third. As he added another finger, he captured Kurt's nipple in his mouth, biting harder than he would have preferred himself, but knowing it was exactly what Kurt wanted.

"Blaine," he breathed heavily, moving his hand to touch himself since it was apparent that Blaine had no intention of doing so himself just yet. Blaine felt the movement underneath him and swatted Kurt's hand away.

"No," he grunted simply, and returned his mouth's attention to Kurt's now-swollen nipple. Kurt's eyes began to water with the anticipation and the lack of contact with both his cock and his prostate. It almost felt like Blaine was punishing him.

Blaine didn't wait for Kurt to tell him he was ready. They'd done this enough times for Blaine to know by touch when Kurt was prepared enough. Keeping his fingers moving slightly inside of Kurt, he took the bottle of lube with his other hand and poured it on his own cock, not caring that it was dripping everywhere on Kurt's sheets. Putting the bottle down, he ran his hand up and down his cock to coat it, a few more times than really necessary, before removing his other hand from Kurt and lining himself up.

For a short moment, neither of them moved, or even breathed. Blaine was staring directly into Kurt's eyes and Kurt was incapable of turning away. Right before he pushed into Kurt, Blaine again squeezed his eyes shut, and Kurt was almost hurt by the look on his face. When they were kissing before, Blaine had looked distressed with his eyes closed so tightly. Now he looked like he was in pain. The way in which he moved in and out of Kurt was so different from when they made love in the past. It still felt amazing, but Kurt was having a hard time enjoying himself when Blaine was so clearly doing this out of need rather than desire.

After what felt like a lifetime, Blaine finally moved deep enough to come in contact with Kurt's prostate. Kurt let out an involuntary moan and pushed himself into Blaine each time he pulled back. Kurt knew Blaine was close when he reached down and with fluid movements began stroking Kurt's cock.

"I'm gonna come," Kurt announced breathlessly, as he always had in the past, and with a few more strokes, he was coming undone, moaning deeply with each spasm. Usually Blaine was close behind Kurt, but this time he kept his same steady rhythm long after Kurt had finished.

Kurt waited longer than he usually would to express his discomfort with the oversensitivity, but it didn't seem like Blaine had an end in sight. It was almost as if Blaine didn't want it to end. As if he knew it was the last time and still wasn't ready to let go.

"Please, Blaine," he finally whispered, wincing each time Blaine rocked slowly into him. Blaine didn't reply, but reluctantly sped up, moving quicker and with more force each time. Kurt bit his bottom lip hard as he watched the boy above him who still hadn't opened his eyes for a single second since entering him. After what seemed like a life time, Blaine's hips finally began to stutter and with a small gasp, Kurt could feel Blaine fill him up inside. Blaine rode it out, not with his usual long, slow movements, but with uncharacteristically short, stabbing motions.

Finally spent, Blaine remained inside of Kurt for a few minutes while Kurt watched him.

"Look at me," Kurt requested, hurt and confused as to why Blaine seemed incapable of such a simple thing. He could see the muscles in Blaine's face fight for dominance and he could almost picture Blaine's internal dialogue as he fought with himself to honor or disregard Kurt's request. After several awkward seconds, Blaine's eyes squinted open as he slowly withdrew himself from Kurt. Kurt wasn't sure what to do next. He didn't know if he should try to talk to Blaine and ultimately he decided to wait for Blaine's cue.

Blaine rolled over and stood up from the bed, making his way to the bathroom en suite in silence. Kurt sat up himself and reached into the bedside table to pull out a fresh hand towel from the supply he kept there. He wiped himself off and waited for Blaine to finish in the bathroom before going in himself to clean up. Usually, he wouldn't bother waiting, but this was anything but usual. Blaine stumbled out wordlessly a few minutes later, not surprisingly avoiding eye contact with Kurt. Kurt brushed it off the best he could and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him softly.

By the time he came back out several minutes later, Blaine was fast asleep in the bed, still naked. Kurt shut off the light and climbed in behind him, wrapping his own naked body around Blaine's. He wasn't sure if it was what Blaine wanted, but he risked it anyway. Within a few minutes Kurt was asleep himself, sleeping soundly for the first time in days.

* * *

Kurt's eyes squinted open in the bright sunlight that was pouring into the room. He was disoriented for a few moments, unsure of when he went to bed or how he got there. Within a few minutes, however, he remembered all the events of the night before and with his eyes closed again, he began blindly searching for Blaine in the bed next to him. He was met with empty, balled-up sheets though and he was finally forced to open his eyes again as he confirmed visually what he already knew.

Blaine was gone.

Kurt sat up and scanned the room. Maybe he was just in the bathroom, he reasoned. But Blaine's clothes were gone from the floor and when he stumbled over to his window, he was only a little surprised to find Blaine's car absent from the driveway. Kurt tried to keep the tears from gathering in his eyes, but it was no use. He hated himself for allowing himself to drift off to sleep with the small hope that he and Blaine would be able to work everything out after all.

That was never a possibility. Not to Blaine anyway. And now Kurt knew it. He sat back down on his bed and cried softly for the love he'd so selfishly toyed with, wishing more than ever that he could go back in time and change everything.


End file.
